Yes or No

Okay, write a blog on patience and guess what happens the next day…inner turmoil. That’s kind of exciting because it means I must be doing something right. Someone out there in the vast cyber-world must be getting something out of this blog, even if it’s just me. So even though I don’t enjoy the inner turmoil, I “glory in tribulations also.”

Today I am musing on the clarity of God’s will, and I am struck with a question, “Can God make a ‘Yes’ as clear as He can make a ‘No’?” Maybe it’s just my personality, but it seems to me that I can more readily accept a “No” from God, but find myself constantly second-guessing a “Yes.” For instance, I have been trying to find a doctor for about a month now. I don’t want just any doctor, so I’ve been seeking recommendations from trusted friends and family. With each suggestion, I have been praying for God’s will and asking that God would open doors wide or slam doors shut. Three slammed doors later, and I’m starting to get the message. That’s what a “No” looks like in my life. So you’d think, that if I can identify the “No”, I should just as easily be able to identify the “Yes,” right? After all, if the door’s wide open, I should just walk through it. But fear will keep me in the doorway, leaning back and forth, straining to hear that “No,” so I can step back into the safety of the hallway. What’s up with that?

I think I’m afraid of the desires of my heart. I think I’m afraid that if I want something, really want something, it must not be a good thing. I could get very very specific about what I want right now, what my heart longs for, what can bring me to tears (even just writing this much about it), but I’ll spare you the details. The point is, even if God did tell me “Yes” on those things I want so badly, would I have the courage to move forward in faith? Or would I constantly be second-guessing myself? 

Psalm 37 says, “Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.” I believe that’s a promise from God, but I want to tread carefully here. The qualifiers in this passage, in order to receive the “desires of thine heart” are to: Delight in the Lord, Commit thy way unto the Lord, and Trust in Him. Am I doing all of those things? Am I truly delighting in Him? Am I really committed? Do I really trust Him? And when I examine myself, I begin to realize that those are truly the desires of my heart: to delight in Him, to commit my way to Him, to trust Him. So even though there are earthly things my heart desires, my greatest desire is to be in the will of God.

So, back to this “Yes” or “No” question. I think I have to really commit my way to Him, whatever that might look like, and then trust Him to bring it to pass in His timing. More of that patience stuff we talked about yesterday. More relying fully on God to reveal His perfect will step by step. And maybe that means having those things I want so desperately, but maybe it means waiting for something better (I can’t imagine) to come along. Regardless, I am delighting in the Lord today, even as I battle the inner turmoil; I am standing on the promises of God.