Fear Not

Day 40.

Well, here we are. It's day 40. In a perfect scenario, I would wake up tomorrow feeling completely liberated in my soul. But I don't anticipate it. Though I am experiencing a form of revival, a purposeful renewal of my heart, mind, body, and soul, I am not on a mountain just yet.

Today in church, I stood up and gave my testimony. I cried through most of it, but I gave it just the same. My aunt often reminds us of the scripture found in Revelation 12:11- “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony.” So I stood up with my Bible and shared some of the verses that I've been holding on to through this season. (2 Corinthians 4:17, and 2 Corinthians 12:9-10) And my aunt assured me that I would be an overcomer this week. I hope she's a prophet. I want to overcome. I know that I am definitely moving in the right direction, even if it is very slowly.

One of the things I identified at the beginning of this was an overwhelming sense of fear. I didn't recognize what a fearful person I was until I met someone who was constantly challening my ideas of safety versus adventure. It was then I realized that “safe” is my favorite word. I love living in a safe neighborhood close to my family. I like the safety of financial security and a good job. I drive a safe vehicle. I make decisions based on what I see as a safe outcome. I am not a thrill seeker, or world traveler, or chance taker. I feel like I am always battling fear on some level. So even as I struggle with new fears today, fears about the future or even fears about the past, I recognize them for what they are. They are arrows from the quiver of the deceiver. They shoot true and sure and all day long, they've hit their mark.

James 4:7-10 gives us instructions on how to rebuke fear in our lives: Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up. Today, I am choosing to live these words. This is my testimony, that on Day 41, I choose to submit myself to God, to resist the devil, to draw nigh to God, to cleanse my hands and purify my heart, and to humble myself in the sight of the Lord. Then, and only then, will I experience that true liberation my soul so longs for. I shall overcome.