Wilt Thou?

Day 63.

Apologies to all for not writing much lately. I admit, these have not been my best days. Maybe it has something to do with this dreary weather. It looks on the outside like I feel on the inside. The sky is gray, the rain is falling, no promise of sunshine in sight. It won’t always be this way…but sometimes I still wonder.

At the end of the day, I have to ask myself, have I done everything I know to do to help myself through this? Did I take the opportunity to go outside and breathe the fresh air? Did I go for a nice long walk and get my heart rate up. Did I eat well? Did I socialize? Did I pray for others? Did I reach out to help someone else who was hurting? Or did I sit around and feel sorry for myself? I’m afraid there are days when “feeling sorry for myself” is the only thing I can check off my list. And I’ll be honest, sometimes I just don’t feel like making the effort to do anything else.

But then I am reminded of the lame man who made his bed at the pool of Bethesda (John 5). He had been sick for 38 years. Thirty-eight years. That’s a long time to be sick. The means to be healed were in front of him, but he was never quite able to be in the right place at the right time. Enter Jesus of Nazareth. Jesus sees him, knows he has been sick for a very long time, and proceeds to ask him a seemingly ridiculous question: Wilt thou be made whole? Really, Jesus? Wilt thou be made whole? Do you really have to ask? Obviously this guy wants to be well again. He’s been lying on a porch in front of a pool waiting for an angel for who knows how long. His whole life has been sickness and waiting. Jesus, don’t you know how badly he wants to be made whole?

Of course Jesus knows. But when Jesus asks the question, the man makes excuses for why he is still sick. Wait a minute. The God of the Universe, the Creator of all things, the Lamb of God, the Great Physician Himself is asking him if he wants to be well and instead of saying, “Yes, Lord!” he tries to explain to Jesus why he’s still sick. As if he's failed somehow by being sick for so long. He's tried to help himself. Obsessed with his illness and the possibility of healing, he's made his home this place where healing is said to occur. Who knows how many bitter tears he cried at night. Who knows how many, many mornings he awoke with new determination. Thirty-eight years of being sick, and he all but apologizes to Jesus because he hasn't found a way to make himself well.

Notice how Jesus does not scold the man for not being able to take care of his own problem. He does not even give a response to the man's desperate explanation of his condition. He just heals him. “Rise, take up thy bed, and walk. “ Jesus isn't out to condemn this man, He just wants to make him whole. Just as he wants each of us to be made whole in Him.

I know God wants me to be well again, and so I must keep at my routine, doing everything I can do to help myself. But I cannot allow myself to feel like I hold the key to my own healing. Only Jesus can truly restore that which is broken. I have to trust in Him and His timing. And through Him, I will be made whole again.